I knew my minions were aware of the feeling, and even if they knew what it was, they wouldn’t let me in on the secret. They wanted me to feel their emotions, fuel them, and continue on the road trip they longed for. But I didn’t want to leave without figuring things out with the detective.
I didn’t know what to make of my behavior. She had me twisted up in knots. For some reason, I cared about what she thought of me, and I didn’t want to lie to her. These were things I never experienced before and things I hated about humanity.
The only pull I had felt throughout my existence was from strong feelings of hate, jealousy, rage, and anger. It’s what led me to that liar as he bled to death in the snow. But now, I feel something different and so much stronger. I want to know more about her.
Her touch zapped me like a bolt of electricity. The warmth of her hand soothed me, even though I wasn’t in any pain. There was undeniable comfort as soon as her flesh touched mine. Her gaze flickered as it met mine. My eyes felt like they were about to water, as if I’d been punched in the nose.
I didn’t know what to make of my behavior. She had me twisted up in knots. For some reason, I cared about what she thought of me, and I didn’t want to lie to her. These were things I never experienced before and things I hated about humanity.
“Because I’m tired of just existing,” I snapped. “At home, I didn’t belong. I never felt like I fit in, and no matter how hard I tried, it never made a difference. I know I don’t belong up here either, but at least I’m free to make my own decisions without being influenced by my past. This place provides me a clean slate, and I’m willing to see it through, no matter where it takes me.”
Hatred’s arrival complicated things. She twisted Jealousy up into fits, but she made me feel alive. Parents never say they play favorites, but I knew that to be a lie. I’d seen the favoritism play out within my own family, and I feared that resulted in the favor I showed Hatred.
“I’m glad you asked me that question. I’m going to answer it with a question of my own. How much hate could a god or goddess summon if they channeled their entire existence into that one feeling? I don’t know how or why, but the anger and hate burned hotter and brighter than I ever felt from you.”
I didn’t know why she’d chosen to play games with me. She knew I could feel her presence. So why did she hide? Why did she lurk in the shadows, watching from a close distance? I was not looking forward to the moment she popped out from the darkness, revealing her intense emotions.
“My entire existence has been to rule over you and Hatred,” I explained. “It’s been my only identity. Where has that gotten me? I’m invisible to my own family. I’m unable to succeed in their eyes, no matter what I do. So, I thought it best to come up here and travel the land as one of them. I’m hoping during my time up here I receive some kind of sign showing me an alternate path.”
That’s why I left. Jealousy and Hatred fueled me. They were the source of my power. They gave my existence purpose. But I was tired of feeling the way I did, and hearing them constantly banter back and forth was difficult.
