The concert was a success. We raised more than enough to cover Paul’s funeral expenses, and I honoured my friend with music I knew he loved. On top of that, the record deal I had signed brought a new excitement as we began planning my future. Revan was right beside me the entire time, making sure that I was well taken care of. During one of the long and rather boring meetings, I drifted off to sleep. I hadn’t been known to dream too deeply when I napped, but this one sucked me in. The call I’d been feeling recently found its way through.
***
“Phee Phee, you look radiant today, my dear,” the man beside me said. He was familiar to me, but even in the dream, I couldn’t place his name.
“Thank you, and I must say, my love, that the sun on your skin is gorgeous,” I licked my lips, “and you look damn tasty.”
The man beside me laughed and wrapped his arms around me. “You know, we could always go for a swim. I do love how your skin glistens when it is wet.” He leaned down to kiss me, and I felt my body melt effortlessly into his. The man lifted me easily off the sand and toward the water. It was then I realized we were on a beach. I could tell by the smell it was the ocean and I recoiled, or at least I would have if I’d been awake. When the man walked into the surf, I could feel the strength of the sea flowing into me, consuming me, and I was confused. I was startled when we submerged ourselves.
***
“No, I can’t swim!” My voice rang through the boardroom as I woke up with a start. Revan had my hand in his, and I squeezed it for reassurance. I froze once I realized where I was and blushed furiously. “I am so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
The agent just chuckled. “Alright, so no cruises.” I sighed in relief. Shortly thereafter, the meeting was adjourned, and Revan and I went home.
He was quiet the entire taxi ride back to our townhouse in SoHo, but I knew he had questions. I did too. This was just the latest in a string of odd behaviour for me. I opened the door to our place as Revan paid, and another wave hit me. But this was of loss, of grief. I placed my hands over my stomach and looked up as my husband came in behind me.
“Theresa?” He only called me by my full name when he was worried, so what he saw in my face must have shocked him. I looked in the foyer mirror and gasped. I was crying, and I had no idea why. “What is wrong?”
I shook my head as we curled up on the couch, his strong arms wrapping protectively around me. “I don’t know. I feel like I’ve lost my world. And yet, you’re right here.” Revan kissed my head gently, and I breathed him in, falling into his scent. “Why did we never have children?” I muttered softly.
“I…” His face fell. “Did you forget, Trix? Did you forget Melissa?” At the sound of her name, I gasped, and the memory flashed before my eyes again. Ten years ago, a hospital room, joy hanging in the air, and then no crying. The pain of childbirth numbed instantly when I realized that my daughter had been stillborn.
“Oh gods, why would I forget that?!” I sobbed harshly. “Why is this happening? Why, when our lives are finally coming together, am I crashing around you?” I couldn’t keep the despair out of my voice. “These dreams, this salt thing… All of it. Why now?”
“Could it be cold feet? You’re not really sure you want to do this?” He asked kindly as his hands rested over mine against my abdomen.
“No, I’ve wanted this since I was a child. And you, I want you more than life itself. I just feel so connected to these two men who appear in my visions and dreams. Like the bond that I have with them is soul-deep. I can’t explain it.”
“What dream?” Revan asked, and I realized that I hadn’t explained the one from this afternoon. I recapped what happened, and Revan’s arms wrapped tighter around me. “Well, I can’t say I care for this new thread pulling you away from me.” His voice was dark, and I barely caught the hint of threat in it. “Any names to go along with these faces?”
“No,” I shook my head, “I wish I had something to go on, something more tangible than a face.” I closed my eyes for a moment. “He called me, or the me in the dream, Phee Phee, which is absurd. It sounds made up. It sounds weird.” Revan rested his head on mine, and I felt him breathe behind me. “Never mind these dumbass fantasies. What was discussed that I missed?”
I felt my husband smile and kiss my neck. “First concert will be an outdoor gig at Central Park this weekend. It’s a good thing you have been performing all along, so your repertoire will be solid.”
I looked up at him and smiled, kissing him gently. “As long as I have you by my side, nothing will go wrong.” And yet, inside, I was churning. It seemed these visions came while I was on stage, while I was the centre of attention. It was only brief flashes the rest of the time.
“And I have no plans to go anywhere.” Revan leaned into the kiss, and I felt the passion build within. I rolled around in his arms and smiled up at him. It had been a while because Revan hadn’t wanted to while I was feeling off, but I needed this. I needed him. His own fire met mine, and we melted into each other. I barely noticed that it had begun raining outside, but it was always raining in New York.
The evening passed in pleasure. When we woke the following morning, the rain had ebbed off, and I decided to head out for a walk. Revan was still asleep on the pile of pillows and blankets on our living room floor, so I slipped out quietly to not disturb him.
The city was still damp after the summer rain, and I wandered the streets, both major and side streets, letting my feet guide me. I meandered through SoHo until I reached the west side of Manhattan, and I was looking out over the Hudson River. I had spent my entire life afraid of the ocean, of the sea, pretty much of all large bodies of water. Yet, I was tempted to throw myself off and see what would happen. But why, though? Why was I thinking that? Why did I forget my beautiful Melissa? I wanted to scream but also knew I couldn’t. It was too early. Perhaps I would come back at night and let it all out. The things I couldn’t tell Revan, like how much he resembled the one and how much pain came when I thought of him. Or how much love I felt when I imagined the auburn-haired man.
I found a bench nearby and sat down, letting the air waft over me. We were a distance from the ocean, but I could almost feel the Atlantic calling to me. It was both confusing and warming. Like a lover I had never known, beckoning me home. Home… The flash of a glowing city under the sea shone before my eyes, so clear I reached out to grab it. I had to figure out what was causing this, why I was so torn between reality and my dreams.
My phone rang suddenly, and I saw Revan’s face light up when I answered the Facetime call. “Trix, where are you?” he asked quickly after my hello.
“I’m in a little park on the Hudson.” His mouth fell open. I had never come to the shorelines before, so why now? “What’s up, love?”
“Oh, other than the concert in two days?” I nodded with a smile. “You got your first advance from the agency.” This time my mouth hung open. “Come home and get dressed. We’re going out for the night. Dinner, a show, the works!”
“I’m on my way, Revan. What did you have in mind?” I got up and began the walk back home.
Revan grinned widely. “I know you’ve wanted to try Per Se, so I called and got a reservation.” With that, I broke into a run. I’d been wanting to eat there since it opened, but getting a reservation was nearly impossible unless you were someone. I guess I was now. It took me longer to get home than it did to get to the water because I had to think about my travel. When I burst through the door panting, Revan simply laughed at me and guided me up to the shower. “I’ve picked out the perfect dress. Go get ready, and we’ll make an evening of it.”
I kissed his cheek and raced up the stairs to the master bathroom. I jumped into the shower, and the heat on my skin felt amazing after the run and cool morning air. Once the water ran cool, I stepped out and made my way into the bedroom. The dress that Revan had picked out was a gorgeous grey-blue satin evening gown that I knew would set off my blonde curls and blue eyes. It was Revan’s favourite dress, and I just smiled. He had done so much to get me here. I owed him everything. Tonight would be perfect. I would not have any visions or drift off. It would just be him and me. Nothing was going to mess with what I had, and what I had coming.
Natalie Bartley is a Canadian Adult-Fantasy author. Natalie has been writing for most of her teenage and adult life but started publishing those stories in December 2019 with her first book, Love and Pain in Zion. Natalie’s faith as a polytheistic witch leads her to many storylines involving the gods which surround her. She lives with her partner and stepson in Bowmanville, Ontario and is also completing her clergy status with the Correllian Nativist Tradition. They hope to one day open their own Pagan store together.
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