I suppose you already know about the “royal decree” from my husband. I’m sure you’ve read some of the bitching from the other Gods already. Frankly, I was hoping to be able to slip by unnoticed as I do any other time my husband is involved. Sadly, he took yesterday to actually notice me and the fact that I haven’t put forth any effort yet. Did he bother to notice it was that mortal holiday “Mother’s Day”? Of course not. Oh, I know what he’d say, “We’re not mortals, Hera, we’re Gods. Since when do we celebrate the mortal feast days?” Bastard. It’s not like it would be nice to hear once every couple of hundred years how much he loves and appreciates me and everything I’ve done for him or the children I gave him. I won’t hold my breath.
My son, Hephaestus did put up a banner in the throne room that said “Happy Mother’s Day, Hera” and gave me a beautiful macaroni peacock that he made. Best of all, he put in an HVAC system in my peacock’s palace. I’m not really sure what that means except that it is now cool and comfortable for them to relax in. To show my thanks, I trained my birds not to get into his ventilation shafts. It’s a beautiful give and take when you show someone your appreciation.
So I have to find a profession. As if being a Goddess wasn’t tiring enough. And what kind of job is good enough for the Queen of Heavens? I have never been a “mere” anything and I will not start now. I need to be in a position of power over others. I need to be in a position to guide you mortals onto the correct path which you seem to have problems staying on. View me as a beautiful type of shepherd.
Hermes introduced me to this googly thing you mortals are so fond of and I put in something called word keys to find the perfect job. Many options presented themselves to me but what caught my eye was a thing called a counselor of marriages. This will suit me just fine and, to keep with my rule that I must not be under anyone in power, I will open my own business. It will be called Ever Faithful Marriage Counseling. It will be a magnificent success of course. I will teach you, mortals, what it means to be faithful to your spouse and how to have a happy marriage.
I think I will consult with Hades about how to make my new business successful since he’s done so well. Then I will ask my favorite son, Hephaestus, to build me a palace suitable for this new venture. Hmm, I’m actually looking forward to this now. I might be nice to my husband for a while as a reward for this idea.
Occasional writer, often wanderer, horrible speller, broken thinker, incessant lover of all things ineffable, neutral evil and serious about it. CJ Landry is a multi-genre writer who always has some project demanding her attention. However, she's always got time to hide a body. She’s also deathly terrified of sharks because those fuckers will one day evolve to breathe on land and eat everyone.
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- The Trials of Herakles, Part VII - September 1, 2022
- The Trials of Herakles, Part VI - November 5, 2021
- Herakles, Part V - October 18, 2021